The RateMyPlacement Blog

44 days.

44 days long days since my last blog. You must be having serious withdrawal symptoms but I’m back to give you your fix of YouTube, stupid purchases and LADS.

The last six weeks have been very busy, I have been up to Scotland forChristmas, back home in Jersey for New Year and up to visit all my university friends in Hull. Since I have been seeing so many people again there have been a lot of hugging going on, which makes me very happy. I love a good hug! There are so many occasions for one as well, a welcome hug, a well done hug, a goodbye hug, a hello hug, a drunk hug, a comforting hug, even a three-way hug! They are so underrated and way underused. So because of all the hugging I have been doing lately as soon as I saw this video I knew it was going to be my ‘YouTube Video of the Week’. A hug makes someone feel better, it makes people smile and nothing bad has ever come from a hug! So in dedication for this video I want all of you who read this (Hi mum!) to take this weekend and do three types of hugs…

1. Hug someone you should do a lot more often – There is probably somebody in your life who you love to bits but don’t ever show it enough. So show it with a hug.
2. Hug someone that seems upset or down – If someone is feeling low and hasn’t had the best of days, just take 5 seconds to give them a big fat hug. I bet they will be the best 5 seconds of that person’s day.
3. Hug a stranger – It doesn’t matter where you are, just make eye contact, smile and ask somebody if they would like a free hug. Don’t be shy, the worst that can happen is they say no and it’s their loss! When you do get someone, give him or her a warm, platonic hug. That means you wrap your arms around them over their shoulders or just below their arms and maybe pat their back gently a few times. (Try to avoid being a creep and touching people below the waist and no need to touch hips either!)

Many of you will just think this is odd, and you are the one’s who are missing out. I have no doubt that if you complete all three of these you will feel great and you’ll have a big smile on your face by the end of them.

Now it’s on to my ‘Purchase of the Week’ feature, which I’m surprised, is even happening because of how broke I am. This probably makes this decision easier since I haven’t been able to buy much! My purchase of the week is my ticket to UK Bass Culture at the 02 Academy Brixton on the 2^nd of March. Now I’m not sure how many bass heads read the RMP blog but those of you who are will know this line-up is absolutely amazing and will be an incredible night! I have friends coming to visit me from Jersey for the event and it’s going to be a weekend to remember, but one I am most likely to forget!

Finally we are on to the ‘LAD of the week’ feature. This isn’t actually a story from this week, but it was after my last blog and because of what this guy has gone through he more than deserves it! On BoxingDay, in the middle of the busy Christmas football period, Gillingham faced Crawley Town in a league match, little did winger Chris Whelpdale realise it was going to be a game to forget. In a collision with an opposition player late in the game he took a knock to his “man area” after originally thinking it was nothing too bad he had a look and turned out he had tore his scrotum! OUCH! The 24-year-old had to have 5 stitches and his manager described the injury and “disgusting” adding “I don’t think his wife would be happy either!”

Now the injury alone may just warrant this award. The main reason, however, for Whelpdale being dubbed ‘LAD of the week’ is because once he had taken the expected LADS banter from the guys in the changing room and got himself stitched up he returned 4 days later to play Dagenham & Redbridge! When we look at the likes of Carlos Tevez who are sitting on the bench sulking for half their career and compare them to the likes of Whelpdale who even with a “broken zone” manage to turn up for a scrappy League Two encounter there is only one winner in my eyes! Chris, we salute you sir!

It’s been fun, but it’s time for me to shut up and you to get on with some work!

Adue, Kwa Herini, Auf Wiedersehen and Goodbye!

Tom

On Wednesday 18^th January, The National Placement & Internship Awards, sponsored by PwC and supported by AGCAS and AGR, were attended by over 300 representatives from both the corporate and higher education world.

The event kicked off with the unveiling of the results from our recent First-Year Student Survey by our On-Campus Promotions team, followed by an incredibly inspiring and motivational key note speech from Olympian and former World Record Holder Steve Backley.

As a few of you have already requested, please see the industry facts and stats mentioned by Ollie during the Awards Ceremony.

You can also click on the link at the bottom of this post to view the presentation slides from the On-Campus Promotions session, ‘An Insight into Engaging with First-Year Students’.

Thanks,

The RMP Team

Ollie’s Facts & Stats of the Higher Education Industry: 

Where do we see the market heading?

In the UK last year there were 1.8 million full-time undergraduate students in higher education. 477,000 started in September, which interestingly is 5.6% up on last year’s stat. This year, with the increased tuition fees coming in for September 2012, UCAS have already seen 15% reduction in university applicants. How do we see this affecting the market?

Fewer students at universities will hit the institutions, and from reading through the 60+ university nominations across the 3 university categories, it’s overwhelming how much they are investing heavily in their employability agenda quoting figures in the tens and hundreds of millions of pounds. With fees rising so significantly, the return on investment from entering university to coming out of the other end is being increasingly scrutinised by students and parents. Therefore we personally see placements and internships playing a much greater role in academia, encouraged through:

• A rise in accredited work-based learning modules

• Increased resource and provision from the university

• Heightened awareness from students, and at an earlier stage

How are employers changing? The recent recession has taught most businesses to be more effective and justify every pound they spend. Across all our 200 clients, we see the average retention rates from undergraduate schemes to graduates is between 60 – 70%. This outlines how in the long term, attracting and retaining the best talent early can be a more successful and efficient form of recruitment. Anecdotally, we are seeing more and more companies engaging with the best talent earlier through starting and growing placement, internship and insight programmes and that’s reflected in our client base doubling in the past year.

Latest Graduate research from the article below in the Telegraph outlines:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/jobs/9005585/Graduate-job-competition-hots-up.html

“An extra 50,000 graduates are set to leave university this summer compared with five years ago”

“Employers have already received 19pc more graduate applications for roles compared with last year”

More than half of the recruiters warned graduates with no previous work experience had “little or no chance” of landing a job this year.

Specifically in the investment banking industry, 3 / 4 of investment bank graduate jobs will be taken by candidates who have completed industry placements.

More than a third of new graduate jobs this year will go to students who have already worked for the employer – a record high

In conclusion… All arrows point towards early identification, with placements, internships and insights becoming increasingly important…

-          to students needing to gain work experience before they graduate

-          to universities needing to differentiate themselves through their employability agenda to attract students

-          and to employers looking to recruit the best talent earlier, and most effectively

On-Campus Promotions Presentation Slides:

Please click on the link below to access the slides from the On-Campus Promotions session, ‘An Insight into Engaging with First-Year Students’ hosted by Ali Lindsay and Amber Jones.

An Insight into Engaging with First-Year Students – presentation slides

So my last few blogs have featured drugs, boobs, embarrassing-photos-of-the-night-before and snippets of advice that I have shared along the tumultuous path of what has become my blogging career. With all this knowledge imparted, I now do not feel guilty about asking for your help, advice and insights on an upcoming excursion I am undertaking….

This week I learnt….

…..that I am going to LA!!

Yes, you heard it here first – in preparation for my blog (amongst other things) I have planned a trip to LA. So far my itinerary is as follows;

• Depart London Heathrow

• Arrive in LA X

• Visit amazingly witty, clever and talented actor-brother

• Depart LA for the Grand Canyon (it’s on my bucket list)

• Depart the Grand Canyon for San Francisco

• Visit amazingly intellectual, long-standing friend from Ireland who has a very big and important job

• Return to LA to see brother for an update on his (undoubtedly multiple) successes

• Depart LA X

• Arrive in London Heathrow

• Recover

View Larger Map

Interesting? Yes.

Detailed? Not really.

And that’s where you come in. In true ‘Idiot Abroad’ style, I want your hints, tips and advice on what I should do and how I should do it. So please leave your comments and recommendations below and I’ll report back upon my return!

2 flights + 10 days + 3 cities + 1 best friend + 1 brother = 1 trip to remember (with your help)

………..that bubbles make everything ok – just ask Winston Churchill.

One of my highlights over the last week was catching up with my champagne-loving partner in crime. We have a long-standing appreciation for sipping bubbles but last week that appreciation hit a pinnacle whilst we sat in Selfridges, watching Chanel bags be put to bed from the Champagne bar on the first floor.

Now that, is what I call a Friday night to remember.

Here are a few of our favourite London champagne haunts for you to check out…

• Mews of Mayfair

• Searcys, particularly at the National Portrait Gallery

Here, here Winston.

• Claridges for afternoon Champagne tea

……….presenting to over 300 people can make you forget to breathe

Unless you have a great team to help you raise your game and get through it (lucky me)!

If you don’t already know, last week was the 2012 National Placement & Internship Awards (NPIA’s). It was a great day, with a great crowd and a great team of organisers behind it. As my first NPIA event, I was hugely impressed at the work put in by everyone here at RMP Enterprise, the guest list of industry experts, Steve Backley’s inspirational speech and the results of all this hard work combined. Good job. Go Team!

……….exactly what Chinese New Year means (other than free calendars with your takeout)

Happy Chinese New Year! In case you didn’t know, the year of the dragon has been celebrated this week, and with the amount of posts and tweets wishing me a happy a new year I felt nothing short of an obligation to send similar well-wishes on to my friends and followers (of which I would love to say there are many, but are probably better described as a ‘select few’).

In Chinese astrology the animal signs assigned by year represent what others perceive you as being or how you present yourself. According to the Wiki-fountain of on-line knowledge, those born in the year of the Dragon are described as follows;

Dragon – 龍 / 龙 (辰) (Yang, 1st Trine, Fixed Element Wood): Magnanimous, stately, vigorous, strong, self-assured, proud, noble, direct, dignified, eccentric, intellectual, fiery, passionate, decisive, pioneering, artistic, generous, loyal. Can be tactless, arrogant, imperious, tyrannical, demanding, intolerant, dogmatic, violent, impetuous, brash.

Seemingly, quite the split personality.

Amber’s advice of the week….

Tick things off your bucket list.

Drink champagne.

Raise your game.

Order a takeout and get a free calendar.

We are delighted to announce the Winners of the 2012 National Placement & Internship Awards!

The Awards, sponsored by PwC, took place yesterday at City University, London, and were attended by over 350 representatives from both the corporate and higher education world.

The event kicked off with the unveiling of the results from our recent First-Year Student Survey by our On-Campus Promotions team, followed by an incredibly inspiring and motivational key note speech from Olympian and former World Record Holder Steve Backley.

The Awards were then presented by RMP co-founders Oliver Sidwell and Chris Wickson, closing with the announcement of the 2012 ‘Best Placement & Internship Employer’. Congratulations go to Barclays Capital.

For a full overview of the day and to find out which employers, universities and students picked up the prizes, visit our Awards website via the link below.

Check back next week for photos and videos from the day too!

The RMP Team

*Order of Awards presented are as follow:

University Awards:

Best University placement / Careers Service: Brunel University (Highly Commended: University of Dundee). Most Improved Commitment to Employability: University of Birmingham Careers & Employability Centre University Personality of the Year: Jim Wood, Newcastle University (Highly Commended: Graham Kaye-Taylor, Brunel University)

Student Awards:

Best Placement student: Lillian Hiscox, Microsoft Best Intern: Sophie Petrie, HSBC Best Student Contribution to a Small to Medium-sized Enterprise: Michael Daniel McAllister, Buzzlines Travel Best University Society: University of Warwick History Society Best On-Campus Promotions Brand Manager: Amelia Marchant, University of Surrey

Employer Awards:

Best New Provider of Work Experience: Cooper Industries Best Short-term Insight Scheme: Linklaters (Highly Commended: Simmons & Simmons LLP) Best Diversity in Work Experience: Civil Service Fast Stream Best On-campus Marketing Campaign: The Royal Bank of Scotland Group/ThirtyThree (Highly Commended: Ernst & Young/SAS and PwC/ThirtyThree) Best Small or Medium-sized Enterprise: ProspectSoft Distinctive Contribution to Work Experience (Special Judges’ Award): Champions Life Academy Best Medium-sized Employer: SAP Best Placement & internship Employer (Headline Award): Barclays Capital

*Note – the last two Awards were based on student-written reviews from RateMyPlacement who have completed placements and internships

www.rmpawards.co.uk

Thanks to all our sponsors for supporting the National Placement & Internship Awards 2012

Hello! and welcome back to our blog, we’ve been off the radar recently due to the Christmas holidays and our highly successful NPIA’s that were held on the 18th of this month (January), but we are back now and all have more than enough juice to supply you with an eclectic mix of blog related banter, so buckle up and welcome to 2012 with RateMyPlacement.co.uk.

About now is make or break time for all those that wanted to get fit and haven’t done so as they have petered out of steam or lost interest. Much of the time people set unachievable goals which dis-heartens them and they then give up. Below, I’ve put together a couple of brief tips that may help you promote a healthier life style. I want to give your brain a work out too with a few educational app’s and lets not forget to reward our selves in the Leisure section.

Health

Running is the goto exercise to get slim, not necessarily. You can burn calories from lifting weights and that involves no running what so ever! The larger the muscles you use the more energy your body consumes ipso-facto more calories are burned, using a legpress is a great way to expend some calories and better yet, your sitting down!!

Metabolism is key when exercising, as a good metabolism means your body can burn the food that you put in it more efficiently. If you have 3 large meals a deal, your body struggles to process all that it consumes, much in the way a shredder jams if you stick too much paper in it. Don’t skip breakfast, instead, grab some scrambled egg and spinach on a slice of wholemeal toast, this is a really quick meal and gives your bodies furnace a kick start to the day to begin processing food. Don’t forget to drink plenty of water too (2 litres) and get that veg & fruit in side of you, try substituting carbs such as potatoes for more veg like broccoli or carrots. Click here for 8 ways to speed up your metabolism.

Sleep is an often over looked part of being healthy. Its important to get a good nights sleep (8 hours is real good), it gives your body a chance to repair after exercising and your mind to rest so you are less stressed. Those that sleep less tend to consume a lot more food as they need the energy to operate while awake. Try not to use your bed for anything other than sleep & sex, this way you only associate your bed with these two activities. If you watch TV in bed a lot your mind struggles to get to sleep as you begin to associate your bed with other activities that won’t allow you to rest properly – I discovered these facts when I was having trouble sleeping myself.

If you want to set your self goals and monitor your results, NIKE have released the Nike+ FuelBand. It is essentially a device that measures your activity, with the aid of a computer or your smart phone you can connect to the wristband to set your self goals. The band gives you your calories burned, steps taken and the Nike fuel score… oh theres also a watch on it too. Its due to launch in the UK in may and will cost around the £100 mark, if your serious about exercise and logging your results this maybe a good motivator.. not too sure how it works with less cardio based activities though.

Education

Many of us have smart phones and seldom time to educate ourselves but we have plenty of time to play games while sitting on the train into work or at the back of the classroom. Check out these two apps:

Night Sky £0.69 link Allows you to point the app towards the “Night Sky” (also works in the day) and identifies constallations for you, you can also identify planets with your naked eye and go satalite spotting. How is this eduction? I dare people not to be impressed when your busting out constellations and they can barely point out the big dipper.. and “no thats not the north star, it’s Jupiter”.

The Crystal Maze £0.69 link This is an absolute classic. The app itself comes packed full of everyones favourite zones including Aztec, Science and Medieval zones, along with a Richard O’Brian sond pack!!!! There are various games that will test your lateral thinking as well as some basic puzzle solving. All crystals are cashed in at the end of the game for extra time in the Crystal dome!!!

Heres a bonus video of the 90′s classic game show that is a favourite in the office;

Leisure

And finally, my favourite part of the blog, when I suggest movies I’ve seen and/or want to see. Theres been a few movie releases recently that have been massive, one of which being:

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo 7.3/10 Now I’m a big fan of reading but have never felt compeled to read this series of books. I’m not too sure why, regardless, I was unsure as to what to expect but enjoyed it nonetheless. The main character is interesting and you do jump on her side even though she is insane for what ever reasons. Pretty tense in places and un-funny throughout but I guess its meant to be a thriller. DC is good and refreshing when not playing the smarmy James Bond. 7.3/10

War Horse 6.8/10 Spielberg loves a war time epic and this doesn’t disappoint. Quite a romantic storey of a boy and his horse getting separated during WW1 and re-united over the course of the film, its kind of like Saving Private Ryan meets Black Beauty with an essence of Forest Gump sprinkled on, in the way the main protagonist infiltrates so many stories. Defiantly worth a watch and I’d like to hear from anyone that has seen both the theater production and the movie and how they compare.

Im still itching to watch Goon with Sean William-Scott who I always find hilarious and looking forward to Wes Andersons, Moonrise Kingdom, which if on par with the Life Aquatic is going to be pure gold.

until next time people..

So, I’m not sure if any of you know but its actually Christmas Day on Sunday, shocker, I know. So since it’s so close to the big day, it’s only right I do a Christmassy blog to get us all in the mood…right? WRONG! I’m sure you have had just about enough of what’s the top gift to get this year and the best way to recycle your tree. So I’m going to stick what I know, funny videos, good purchases and LADS!

Let’s kick things off, as always, with the ‘YouTube vid of the Week’. This week, we’re sticking to something short, simple and just god damn hilarious.  We can thank Ollie Sidwell (yes the founder of this fine company) and his weird sense of humour for this fantastic clip, cheers Sid! And the ‘Mother of the Year’ award goes to…….

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ne3OMr1_Pxo

Now the award for ‘Purchase of the Week’ award doesn’t actually go to something I personally bought, but acquired through a very generous secret Santa.  As our Christmas social got underway last week we all exchanged gifts and I unwrapped (from my beautiful Metro newspaper wrapping) 3 gifts, the Hollyoaks calendar, a book called ‘The Game’ and a condom (very LADish). The gift I will be talking about is the book ‘The Game’; it’s something I hadn’t heard of before but has apparently created a lot of buzz. It is a real life story about a shy retiring writer, Neil Strauss, (pictured below) who suffers from a lack of charm and confidence when it comes to attracting the opposite sex. He decides enough is enough and wants to change his ways by studying world renowned PUA’s (pick-up artists) and their theories and techniques. Once he had adopted them and takes on the role of his alter ego ‘Style’ his amazing story begins. This story includes using his techniques on Britney Spears, receiving life coaching from Tom Cruise, moving in with Courtney Love and being officially voted ‘World Number One PUA’. I’m only on page 126 and I’m already engrossed and am sure it won’t take me long to finish.

Whilst reading it on the tube the other day a guy, who had read the book, interrupted me to tell me that he loved it and swore by it’s techniques. So a definite book for all the LADS out there!

Which brings us swiftly onto ‘LAD of the week’. This man is a smooth talking, smartly dressed and incredibly talented LAD. Women want him and men want to be him. Love him or hate him, there is no denying this man’s class. Even as I write this I am listening to his wonderfully received Christmas album. I am of course giving this award to Mr. Michael Bublé. Once again he has the whole country swooning over him whilst be bangs out great performance after great performance, with his big band behind him it seems as though nothing can stop this man from turning any song into a classic. There will be LADS out there who disagree with this week’s award but he is talented, loaded, women everywhere will do almost anything to be with him and all without having a six pack…LAD.

As always it’s been a pleasure and it’s time for me to shut up and for you to get back on with some work!

Adue, Kwa Herini, Auf Wiedersehen and Goodbye!

Tom

Loughborough graduate Rebecca Griffiths tells us how she found the inspiration and courage to start her own business and some top tips for those of you who want to do the same! Since this is something we can relate to here at RMP we’re delighted to let her tell you her story. Here’s what she had to say…

For me, graduating from Loughborough University was one of the most daunting experiences. Being released into the real world is something that most students dread. It’s even harder still when after three years of study you still haven’t worked out what you want as a career. This was my dilemma.

I would never have imagined starting a business but today, I am writing this blog post following the launch of my new online fashion store wantherdress.com. The website is a family business and was created with my sister, a graduate of Leeds University.

I had never seen myself working in the fashion industry; I had studied drama so it was a very unlikely move. It soon became clear to me that the fashion industry was the way forward, since all my interests were within it and e-commerce, especially in fashion, is continuing to grow making it one of the most popular ways for customers to shop. Now I couldn’t imagine myself doing anything else. You don’t have to stick to what you have studied, there are so many opportunities out there and you can adapt your experiences from university to suit the career you love. Charlotte, my sister, knew shortly after graduating that this was her dream career. This made the perfect balance when working together.

The creation of wantherdress.com has taken around five months from the initial idea. Starting a business is extremely difficult, but the most challenging part is having the guts to go for it. We have learnt so much already. As young women and recent graduates, we have found that sometimes it is difficult to be taken seriously by the people we deal with. We have now built more confidence when dealing with suppliers and other partners to ensure that we are receiving the best service from everyone.

The goal for this website is not just to be an online store. As you can see by the name Want Her Dress, it has more of a social context to it. Our eventual aim is for the website to be a social network for girls and women to share their fashion experiences, style tips and photos to encourage others to Want Her Dress.

Tips for students looking to start a business:

• Rather than constantly talking about ideas, take action.
• Don’t be put off by others or talk yourself out of it.
• If you believe you can do it, you’re right. Never give up.
• Never be embarrassed about what you don’t know, never pretend to understand something you don’t, just ask.
• Enjoy it…business should be fun!

Visit our website: www.wantherdress.com. You can also follow Want Her Dress on Facebook: www.facebook.com/wantherdress & Twitter: @WantHerDress for exclusive posts on offers, photos and an insight into the day-to-day workings of the team!

Words by Rebecca Griffiths

Photo by Tomal Price

Today has to be one of the best days to write my blog….the morning after the night before of the RMP Christmas Social.

Priceless.

There are so many stories I’m not even sure where to start, but to avoid total embarrassment for more than one or two of the team, I am simply going to share the results of today’s post Christmas social Awards and a few choice photos….and then let your active imaginations work out the rest.

Bambi on Ice Award – Ed Flower

Funniest moment Award – The Speeches; Pretty much everyone got involved

This week I learnt….

……….that I’m mellowing with age

“Back in my day…” and “When I was young…” used to be the phraseology reserved for generations before me, but more and more often I find the tendency to cite such things creeping into my conversations.

I have distinct memories of being confident, care-free, out to all hours and showing no sign of the party-hard lifestyle whatsoever. Admittedly they are quite vague memories, but they are memories all the same. Having not drunk for almost 6 weeks following a kidney infection (until last night when I had a sneaky couple of drinks – see below), I’ve begun to notice how reserved my social life has become.

Gone are the days of missing dinner to fit into an outfit, eating a cheesy chip with garlic sauce at the end of the night and then missing the keyhole over and over again once you (finally) make it home at 5am (last night it was 3am).

Ageing happens to all of us but from experience, the fact that you are ageing slaps you in the face when;

• Your friends and ex’s start to get engaged/married/have babies

• You realise you have known your uni friends for over 6 years (and quite clearly should no longer be living/eating/partying like a student)

• You no longer care about people knowing that you genuinely would prefer to have a quiet New Years Eve

• You have a quiet New Years Eve

• You get Christmas cards addressed to you and your significant other and no longer get ones just for yourself

• You start calling anyone younger than you ‘youngsters’

• Youngsters ask you for advice…what did you do in their situation at their age?

• You get excited by the likes of Ovaltine** and wearing your slippers

• You are referred to as ‘the mother of the group’ at work.

……….just how repetitive Christmas songs are

Yesterday marked the official launch of our office Christmas playlist – we have been putting off the screech of Noddy Holder, the dulcet tones of The Pogues and the fact that Wham’s ‘Last Christmas’ never seems to have its last Christmas, as long as possible but needless to say, the time came. What surprised me was that no matter the artist, year, interpretation and sound quality, I seemed to inadvertently know all of the words to every Christmas song ever made. How?

I find myself bewildered.

Thank goodness for modern classics such as When the Thames Froze by Smith and Burrows, “A Christmas treat from Editors chief and ex-Razorlight drummer.” (Q Magazine) Their latest album, Funny Looking Angels, is one of my recent favourites and features heavily on my Top Rated playlist. Check out Funny Looking Angels. And now go and buy the album.

……….to reminisce and revive

Perusing the shelves in Sainsbury’s is a past time I inherently try to avoid at all costs, but lo and behold on occasion it has to be done. This week I found myself aimlessly wandering the aisles not really knowing what I wanted to buy, or indeed eat for the rest of the week, and as such I ended up giving more than necessary consideration to items that wouldn’t normally make it any where near my kitchen cupboards!

That said, I did come across a few golden oldies that sparked fond childhood memories and that have since graced not only my kitchen cupboards but also my desk at work and many a conversation with friends and colleagues. To name and recommend but one of these….

“Nutritiously delicious Ovaltine” (from the packaging) is a malty drink that my granddad used to give me when I was a kid. I’ve never heard of anyone else that has it but with the wet, grey and wintry view out of my office window, it is a very welcome addition to my morning. Comforting whether you are suffering with a Christmas party hangover or not – you should definitely try it.

Amber’s advice of the week….

Grow old gracefully.

Work hard, play hard – and do it all in good company.

Go beyond what you already know.

Remember life’s little luxuries.

“Sup Ya’ll” would be the greeting from one of the locals that star in the Alabama based documentary about the “Best Worse Movie” ever made, but as seen as im not from Alabama or in a documentary (yet) im going to say “Hello, and welcome to my festive blog post”.

This is one of the most expensive times of the year, buying presents for family members and friends because you know they are going to make an exhaustive effort and feel you have to also. What do I get them? a novelty present, something heart felt, meaningful, useful? Then you realise you’ve spunked your student loan up the wall or on more favoured people like girlfriends, boyfriends or the pub landlord.

DON’T PANIC – Russell to the rescue with some home made gifts that are functional, heartfelt and most importantly made by you and we all know time is the most precious commodity of all. So here are my top 3 homemade gifts for Christmas 2011.

1. Laminated TV Guide Listings

TV rules the roost over the x-mas period, plenty of Premiers and tons of traditional movies for you to gaze at for hours on end, Seasonal specials and one off’s. But sometimes there is soo much on you dont know what to watch, particularly those without Tivo or sky+ that can’t record.

This can be a stressful situation, well I say relieve that stress from a loved one this Christmass by photocopying the 25th, 26th and 27th of December from your TV guide in advance and highlighting those must see episodes such as ‘The Royal Family’ or the classic ‘National Lampoons Christmas Vacation’. You can even use different coloured highlighters and grading the viewing such as Green – must see or Pink – avoid. When you are done with highlighting, laminate your photocopies to make them indestructible (this also add’s value) and once they are finished with, they can re-use the TV listings as Placemats at the dinner table for year round functionality! “How thoughtful”.

2. Re-Used Jar of Chutney

This is by far the easiest present. Buy a cheap jar of chutney or what ever you wish as long as it is in glass packaging, leave it in a bowl of hot water until the sticker peels off, dry and clean the jar and wrap a piece of ribbon around it. Sorted. You can then deliver the gift to its recipient as ‘home made’ produce on Christmas morning. They. Will. Love. It.

3. The Illustrated Kitchen Towel 

Lets reminisce back to primary school, remember when you would draw a picture of your self, then the teachers would compile all the images in classes and print the little people onto a tea towel for your parents to buy. Lets re-create this in adult form:

• purchase a tea towel (one thats lying around is great as its free) and grab a permanent marker

• draw an image of yourself on the towel, it doesn’t matter if your rubbish at drawing in fact, a terrible self portrait will make the giftee pity you (thats what we want, Pity points)

• finally stick an appropriate personalised note on there like “Merry Christmas to a great Uncle” or “Seasons greeting grand parents!”

And you are good to go. When they receive the present they may think, due to your terrible drawing, that your a bit special gaining you Pity points, we can instantly cash in these Pity points so they cant show their disappointment with a lovely home made gift.

10 Second Review - Tintin (IMDB) 3d fun as a pointy red headed journalist, along with a drunk seaman and white dog sticks his nose in other peoples business looking for the elusive storey, a model ship holds the key to various treasures. 7.3/10

The “Best Worse Movie” ever made

I’m a big fan of the Adam & Joe show and while they have been off the air (BBC 6 Music) for several months now I have been abusing their podcast’s which entertain me no end, to and from work.

This week I was made aware, via their podcast, of a documentary made in 2009 about the worse movie ever made. Joe swore it was really interesting so I decided to investigate. After obtaining the movie I sat down on a cold Saturday morning and settled into what was a bizarre insight into an Alabama based community which is where the lead character lived as he, along with other cast members were welcomed in an A-list celebrity style into cinemas and auditoriums around the USA as the movie that they starred in, Troll 2, had achieved a cult status. The ‘Best Worse Movie’ ever made, directed by an Italian, acted by terrible actors, horrific props, confusing and staccato storyline, among other sins culminate into what is rated by the movie site rottentomatoes.com as 0% in terms of quality on the tomatometer.

I haven’t seen Troll 2, but if sold out auditoriums and Troll 2 parties are anything to go by, this is certainly one to watch over the coming weeks of the Holidays, possibly in time for my next blog. The actual documentary is on the other hand, fascinating. Check it out.

Well thats me for another month, Have a Merry Christmas and il see “ya’ll” in the new year.

So it’s been a while since I have blogged!  How is it nearly Christmas?!  Well I thought it’s about time we indulge in some festive cheer so I have found some cracking jokes below…oh and I have posted some lyrics to a song just in case you feel the need to get up and sing your heart out!  As always, ‘Like’ the post and comment if you think you have any better jokes to rival the ones below….

Enjoy Ms Brock’s December blog

Christmas Jokes…

How many ears has Captain Kirk got?

Three: the left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear. Ben Miller

What do lions sing at Christmas? Jungle bells!

When is a boat like a pile of snow? When it’s adrift.

How do snowmen get around? On their icicles.

What does Santa call reindeer that don’t work? Dinner.

What do you call the fear of getting stuck in a chimney? Santaclaustrophobia

Christmas Riddles…

Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself? Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures. What is the purpose of reindeer? It makes the grass grow, sweetie. There were two ships. One was painted red. One was painted blue. They collided. At last report, the survivors were marooned.

The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up and asked, ‘Did you get my drift?’ Where do you find giant snails? On the ends of giant’s fingers. Christmas: The time of year when everyone gets Santamental. What is a webmaster’s favourite hymn? Oh, dot com all ye faithful

The Great Christmas Sandwich Debate!

For the last two weeks, Christmas sandwiches have been the subject of many conversations in the office.  I personally am obsessed with the PRET Christmas sandwich and rate it a whopping 9.5…..

Who has had one?  What rating would you give?  If you think there’s a better one out there then comment below as I will go and buy it!

Finally….a Christmas song to get you in the mood

“Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town”

You better watch out You better not cry You better not pout I’m telling you why Santa Claus is coming to town Santa Claus is coming to town Santa Claus is coming to town

He’s making a list, Checking it twice; Gonna find out who’s naughty or nice. Santa Claus is coming to town Santa Claus is coming to town Santa Claus is coming to town

He sees you when you’re sleeping He knows when you’re awake He knows if you’ve been bad or good So be good for goodness sake

With little tin horns and little toy drums Rooty toot toots and rummy tum tums Santa Claus is coming to town Santa Claus is coming to town Santa Claus is coming to town

Here’s a pic from a recent Christmas social with Chris in a particularly festive jumper

Merry Christmas !